So much to live for, so many memories to make, so much to look forward to – these words have been buzzing around my head for years now. Even when my future looks bleak and my emotions are taking over I still try to remember these words. An inner reminder that my life is worth fighting for. To some, this is going to sound super dramatic but to someone that knows about bipolar this will resonate.

Bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, Personality disorder, depression – mental illness in general is not understood enough because it isn’t spoken about. More people are aware if it nowadays but still the stigma is a haunting shadow attached to it. People tend to fear what they don’t understand or they go down the route of denial which is just as bad as choosing not to understand. I have had many run ins with people that are quick to judge.

“It’s all in your head”

No shit Sherlock! That would be why its called a Mental Illness. It has got to be one of the biggest obstacles facing anyone who suffers with their mental health. Not only do we struggle daily, always feel on edge, battle through those irrational thoughts and fight off bombarding emotions we have to deal with dick heads. Sorry but this is the only word I can think of right now! To be told you are an attention seeking drama queen has to be one of my favourites because my response is always the same – if only you knew.

I think my battle has been raging for most of my life, the anxiety started when I was around five after I found out my Mum wasn’t coming back. A lot of emotions that a five year old shouldn’t have to deal with surfaced and from that point on wards I was a highly sensitive soul. After 30 odd years of hiding it was time to come out and start expressing my world the only way I knew how – through my writing.

Baring my soul hasn’t been an easy transition. It started when I spoke to my local newspaper about my life. Let’s just say it wasn’t the liberating experience I had imagined. I had started to be more honest about my condition but when I saw my struggle in the newspaper it hit me for six. It took me a while to feel like I had made the right decision and now I don’t regret a thing. It put me on the path to being raw and vulnerable. It is kind of refreshing to live a life that I don’t have to continuously wear a mask and fake my way through, I show up as me apologetically.

It might look like I am doing nothing, but in my head I am VERY busy.

Re-launching my blog has been a long time coming. I wanted to share my days as they unfold and start to educate my readers on what can happen while living with bipolar. My blog before wasn’t as consistent as I wanted as I thought that I should only post positive posts and try to inspire but after a long reflective period I have come to realise that I am at my vulnerable when I am struggling. To see this side is to educate and make sure people at least try to understand what comes with a mental illness.

Lately I have had bad episodes where it has been impossible to see a way out and I wish I had documented these because low and behold – I survived. I have come out the other end stronger and feeling ready and able to move forward again. And i guess this is message I want to shout out loud and clear – it is possible to live with bipolar and do everything that you desire. I am surviving sometimes and thriving others, it comes with the territory.

Moving forward #livingwithipolar will be in full swing. I will capture good days, bad days and ugly days so the world sees what kind of struggles we have on a daily basis. Some have voiced their opinions in regards to me embracing my bipolar, saying that if I concentrate on it too much it could make me feel constantly low but I neg to differ. My view is that if I embrace both the highs and lows, show the world that anything is possible even if you have a mental illness and I learn to channel my negatives shifts into something positive then embracing it is a good thing.

“So our journey begins”