Well what can I say, the last few months have been a roller coaster ride of emotions, stress and HUGE game changers, one of which emerged yesterday.

I was in my local newspaper! I was so afraid that I had spilled the beans too much but it turned out awesome!

I finally decided after years of hiding that I wanted to share my story and make my mark. It wasn’t easy. I panicked after talking to Faith the journalist because I thought I had literally sold my soul. Being vulnerable isn’t a pleasant feeling but it is necessary for change.

The support from people was humbling. People I didn’t even think knew I existed said how proud they were of me. I felt proud of myself for the first time in ages.

Today I am singing to a different tune. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised because this is my life but I at least thought the momentum of sharing my story would carry me for a while. Alas today I feel frustrated and lost. There is a list of things that I want to do ‘right now’ but something is stopping me in my tracks. I have a lot of irrational thoughts to contend with today. Not having a bathroom isn’t helping either!!

The frustration comes from not knowing what direction to go in!

I can say hand on heart I know I am heading in the right direction, I know my dreams are within reaching distance but I am not there yet. I cant seem to find clarity which is the story of my life. I go thro9ugh this on a weekly basis until I stumble over something that heads me in the right direction. I am still waiting.

It seems since I left my last place of work I have been trying so hard to keep up a routine but then I find that I am running around in circles and not able to pin point exactly what I need to do to move forward. The frustration begins to bubble over and leaks into my home life. Everyone seems to be a logger heads which doesn’t make the emotional side any easier to deal with.

I journal, for hours writing down all the great things in my life, all the issues that I need to address and all the future desires I have to look forward to. Only to wake up the next day with more questions and less answers.

I know I will get there, of that I am certain! I believe that I am on the verge of a break through because I feel uncomfortable. I feel something is brewing inside of me but I am unsure of what it is.

My issue is that I have a million things that I want to do or think about all at once. Big glorious ideas that set my heart alight. I can’t focus on one thing at a time so I flit between projects as they can get stagnant and don’t fill me with fire anymore. I have always said I need to delegate more, maybe this is what I will be manifesting for my future. Someone who can direct me and teach me how to stay on track.

Any hoot I am blabbering.

If you would like to read my story then please click the link below…

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/15656896._quot_I__39_ll_spiral_into_terrible_negativity_quot___mum_with_bi_polar_sets_up_website_to_help_others_with_condition/

I wish you all the best of luck within your own ventures and I look forward to writing a blog post that says I am finally getting out of this frustrated hole and into something that gives me clarity and I am able to move forward with my plans.

Love to you all

Abby